The election is coming up, I think someone said today. I should start by being more specific. The one with the big orange man. I know Romania’s election is coming up shortly, easy mistake to make, but I’m counting on you to know which one I’m on about. If not, you’re just about the last of us to escape the infernal grip of American exceptionalism. Do you think you just fell out of a coconut tree?  

 

And maybe you did, landing with a thud, but at least you’re sipping on coconut water. Mhm, refreshing. As one friend said recently:  

 

“It’s just like too much pressure for me right now.” 

 

The words of a tired JCR Pres, the politics of the plodge condom box supersede any worries the rest of us clearly have for Trump’s position on the North American Free Trade Agreement. Anyone? Okay, fair enough.  

 

But what other cynical gems does the average Oxford students harbour?  

 

“The world is fucked either way,” he says bitterly.  

 

Oh yes, that’s good. I want to dig deeper into this Gen-Z angst, but over-asking has taught me to say less. There’s a slight exasperation in his voice. He kind of gets to the point anyway.  

 

“You know how your brain can’t comprehend the Big Bang, that’s how I feel about it”.  

 

I mean, CHEER UP, it’s not the end of the world. It’s not like not like anyone has access to the nuclear codes or anything. Like seriously, get a… oh yeah, I suppose.  

 

Others are more interested in that sweet, sweet social media content the campaign has been dishing. I open TikTok, and a beaming Kamala gets going. “I’m just obsessed with her PR team,” someone pipes up. From the lowest-rated VP in American History to our Messiah, they’ve managed to pull off a transformation that rivals even the best episode of 60-minute makeovers. She’s fun now, apparently. Laughing Kamala is telling the jokes and we’re laughing along with her. Did you see her on SNL? Another friend confesses: 

 

“She made an Obama edit this morning and that’s quite fun. Ever since Fleabag had that scene, I feel like…”  

 

The speaker stops dead in their tracks. A hush descends on the group.  

 

So, what do people think about the Electoral College? And the tension breaks. Do you think she’ll get to 270? Thus ensues a game of name that swing state. Nevada—fingers crossed. Michigan and Wisconsin (I know, you know; someone just needs to remind Hilary Clinton). Georgia—gone (I’ll miss you, John Ossoff). And perhaps most significantly, Pennsylvania. A race so close that even your Sylvanian families are registering. Probably. Give it a minute. I know it seems far-fetched, but those far-right conspiracy theorists will be onto it!  

 

“I don’t understand why Pennsylvania is such a swing state—Dance Moms was literally there.”  

 

Did you even see the Republican updos? Girl, no.  

 

The truth is despite the pessimism, I’m going in with blind faith. She’ll win. I’m calling it now. Another friend in the group turns to say: “Don’t laugh at me, I’ve been quite assured she would win, because I saw a TikTok psychic predict she that she would”.  

 

What does her star sign say? Is Pennsylvania in retrograde? I’ll take anything at this point.  

 

And frankly, people certainly seem to be. We may be running around terrified for our lives, but is Kamala giving? “People make her out to be an angel and Trump the Devil.” Yes, she doesn’t have a terrible tan job and a toupee, but saying that anyone who breaks into your house is getting ‘shot’ seems a little…violent? I mean, Second Amendment rights and all that, but just because CharliXCX endorses her, is she really that brat?  

 

“She’s sexier than Trump. She also really looks like my aunt”.  

“Do you find your aunt sexy?” 

Pause.  

“No”.  

 

Kamala’s got us asking all the questions. But one she wouldn’t be asking herself is whether it really matters. We care as much, if not more, about US presidential elections than the general election here in Britain. Granted, we lack the pizzazz of the $20B reality TV show that is the campaign for high office, but have we overestimated its significance? When the Indian general election comes around, the world’s largest act of democratic participation, it is business as usual. Even when ‘Brazil’s Trump’, Jair Bolsonaro, won a landslide victory—threatening all that is holy and the Amazon Rainforest, it did not seem like that big of a deal (political analysis falters here). Our special relationship with the US keeps us keen.  Yet why do we afford such global significance to a state that no longer leads the world? In women’s rights, healthcare, industry, innovation—heck, let’s say happiness—the US flounders. The truth is, things are looking pretty dire for American citizens either way and I, for one, will be focusing on my little patch of England. Ducks. Fresh bread. Flowers. Everything’s rosy.  

 

“It’s so close. I’m ready to go back to believing in God”.  

 

I guess it’s worth a shot. I’ll say a prayer, heck I’ll say twenty. But I won’t as she’ll win. She is going to win. Pennsylvania is in retrograde, after all. ∎

 

Words by Reuben Meadows. Image Courtesy of Printerval.