Six Things To Do On A First Date

1. Say ‘got your nose’ and pretend to have your date’s nose.

   

    

2. Bring a bell, ding it every five minutes and say ‘next’.

   

    

    

3. Slowly and methodically tie and untie both your and your date’s shoelaces. Maintain eye contact at all times.
   

   

4. Whenever your date buys a drink, say ‘that one was on me’. Do not under any circumstances pay for the drink.

   

    

5. Ask your date if they like flowers, and then say that you thought they said ‘flour’. Point at 1kg bag of plain flour on table.

   

    

6. Ring your mum during the date and say that you’re in a car chase. Make appropriate noises and encourage participation from other customers and your date.

   

    

Illustrations by Indigo Wilde.