May 1, 2016

Six Things To Do On A First Date

  1. Say ‘got your nose’ and pretend to have your date’s nose.

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  2. Bring a bell, ding it every five minutes and say ‘next’.

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  3. Slowly and methodically tie and untie both your and your date’s shoelaces. Maintain eye contact at all times.

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  4. Whenever your date buys a drink, say ‘that one was on me’. Do not under any circumstances pay for the drink.

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  5. Ask your date if they like flowers, and then say that you thought they said ‘flour’. Point at 1kg bag of plain flour on table.

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  6. Ring your mum during the date and say that you’re in a car chase. Make appropriate noises and encourage participation from other customers and your date.

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Illustrations by Indigo Wilde.

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